Angst

Another Saturday in glorious hue. Mediterranean blue Sky with golden sun expanding with heat, while the gentle breeze brings the cool promise of fall. With these high pressure days come the dreaded migraines. Today I am feeling the numb nerve throb and the expansion of arteries that takes me to pulsing moments of blurring pain and followed be the relief that pulls you into the drift of sleep.

I sit and rest, occasionally falling to put my head down on the cool pillow. My mind wants to get me going. I have things to do, oil changes, christening gifts, drug store visit, vacuuming, laundry and walking the dog. The list competes with my need to get well. I detest being ill. It is such a waste of time. I want so much to be filled with youthful energy and let go the stress clearly building in my body and just have fun. Revel in fact, in the decadence of ignoring my chores and doing something just for me. I have indeed been robbed of that indulgence today, this Saturday in a long weekend.

So its ten pm and I am finally well enough to cope with looking at the screen and moan a while at the loss of a day. From time to time when I wandered the TV I found a fair bit of British TV. I am always grateful for that, it is not only a distraction but a trip home. I particularly love period TV, where they all live in the beautiful land of whimsical gardens and servants.

When I was little I grew up in a village that had a few stately homes around. I was privileged enough to visit them and play in their gardens. It was enchanting, my imagination would run away with me and I could be a princess, or a Lady enjoying the privileges of the gentry. Right up until the day I left to come to Canada, and to be honest a few years after that, I believed that I would be a ballet dancer, live in a posh apartment and be swept off my feet by a dashing Lord driving a red sports car. I would go to balls, ski in Switzerland have loads of babies and run a staff in a large house.

Still there are no regrets, I love my life. I still have dreams, however much less grandiose. I have my little house, with my two children, I don't ski and I still love to dance. My should for today is only that I get well and enjoy tomorrow.